Bright Parenting Magazine

The following guest post was submitted by Heather Smith.

Listening attentively is a lost art. Listening is more than hearing. You hear things all day. You hear birds calling, people yelling, horns honking. But what do you listen to? You listen to music. You listen to your boss. And, I hope, you listen to your children.

Listening is underrated. It is so, so important, and yet we let ourselves get distracted by other things in our lives. Listening is the first step in any relationship, from dating, to friendships, to marriage, and, yes, even to parent and child relationships. If you are not listening, how can you connect with your child? How can you find out their likes and dislikes? More than that, how can you know what kind of person they are?

Remember that children are people, too. They deserve and need your respect and attentiveness. Just because they cannot always demand it in an adult way does not mean they do not need it. Why do you think children misbehave and throw fits? For attention, right? Well, if they are getting that attention already, then there will be no need to be bad.

It is hard to listen, I know. You have work to do, housework and computer time. Your favorite show is on television and dinner will not make itself. But remember what lasts. In a year, will you remember what you are doing now? Will your children? Building a relationship is much more important than having a spotless kitchen.

Listening is more than just staring at someone when they are talking. It means putting away your thoughts, concerns and desires and absorbing someone else’s. Do not think about how you can solve the problem or what you are going to say. Do not think about the dishes in the sink or the game on television. Do not pay attention to the barking dog or the flashing computer. Just listen. Shut down everything but your ears and the part of your brain that allows you to remain attentive. The child you are listening to will know the difference and appreciate it.

I know that what children have to say is many times not important. It may be that they want to tell you about the worm they caught in the yard or what the boy wore to school today. It does not really matter what the content is, however. What matters is your response. If your child sees that you are really listening to them, it makes them more confident, happier, and more attentive themselves.

Why do you think attention deficit disorder is running rampant in children today? Well, one reason may be that they have no example of what it means to quiet their brains and listen. If you, as a parent, asre always moving, always up and about and doing something, then how will they ever learn to sit still and concentrate. There is so much working against them. So many distractions. But you can change all that with one simple habit. The habit of listening.

This applies to adults too. How many relationships do you have right now that feel like they are falling through the cracks? How much strain is on your marriage and friendships? Try listening. It may not show much fruit at first, but I think you will be surprised by how positively people respond to attentive listening.

Now, I am not saying you have to stay silent. But after someone stops speaking, a moment or two of silence is not bad. In fact, it is good. It shows you are absorbing what they said instead of thinking about what you were going to say when they were done. Believe me, you will have something to say, do not worry. But what you say will be so much deeper and more relevant because you listened first.

You may find yourself forming deeper connections with your children and others just by changing this one habit. I would say that a few minutes undivided attention is worth it.

Author Bio

Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to become a nanny by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295 [at] gmail.com.

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